her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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