what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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