oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
