I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
