Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
