Umm I'm too high to move.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we're making bets on your personal life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
