As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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