In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
