They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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