We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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