Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
