Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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