Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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