I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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