He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
