I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
