I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
