But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
