Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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