yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
