I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
