There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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