I think I won the penis lottery.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
