I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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