Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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