You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
