I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
