i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
