We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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