He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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