i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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