Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
