so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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