so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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