Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
