My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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