Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
