When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
