So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
