hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
