Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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