I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
