My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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