ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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