Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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