My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
