my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't turn off my feet"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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