this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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