Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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