there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
