New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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