I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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