I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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