My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
