I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
