Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
