we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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