The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
