didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize