pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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