if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
