I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
