Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
