Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
