Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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