cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
