First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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