are you still at the devil's house?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
