On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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