I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize