Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
