Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
