i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
