he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
