Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
