Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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